I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
