walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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