Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
