Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
