More tranny stories later!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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