So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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