think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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