Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
