It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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