i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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