And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
