TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
