u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
