I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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