I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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