I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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