yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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