Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
