the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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