I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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