she was so not down for the gang bang
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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