Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is wine microwaveable?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
this hospital has no fireball
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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