Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is wine microwaveable?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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