Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
