why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
