I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Congratulations! We have a period
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
