how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
