Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize