the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We have so much sex to catch up on
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
