I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
