This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
