Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
