so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
