Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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