I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
