around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
