apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
