She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
