Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
