I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
