cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
