I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
