I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
