There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
