I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
