HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
