Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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