Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
