I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
