my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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