Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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