roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize