so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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