How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
