I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I pour the whiskey from now on
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
