I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
