A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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