Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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