Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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