Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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