I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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