do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
