im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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