i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
