I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
