I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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