Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
