its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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