using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
