You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
