Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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