If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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